How Independent Play from Infancy Supports Risky Play in Toddlerhood
We give birth, we nurse and we hold our infants a lot in those first few days and weeks. Pretty soon after, we begin to wonder what now? What do I do with my infant when they are awake, I will openly admit, that I held my babies a lot. I wore them in babies wraps – especially my second because how else was I going to get anything done around the house. I don’t think new mothers need anyone else telling them what they should and should not do. It’s already an overwhelming time. You are getting to know this brand-new person you brought into the world and you are getting to know yourself as a mother. Both are hard.
Then floods in all the “advice” the world, the internet, your mother-in-law, the neighbor or even the grocery check-out lady can give you. We listen to some of the advice; we seek out some from trusted peers or parents and we try to piece together what works or what sounds good to us.
I could write a whole other blog on becoming a mother and all the grace and patience we should have for ourselves on this wild journey –maybe I will, another time. For now, I just want to share what I hope is helpful, respectful and brings some ease and enjoyment to this season of life.
What I love about the Educaring Approach and what it gave me during the “newborn/new mother” season of life was the validation that it can be simple. I don’t need much – what I have is enough and it can be slow and intentional.
What motherhood showed me was that it will be forever inconsistent, unpredictable and messy.
Here’s what I have seen – independent play starts in infancy. When it’s supported and practiced regularly you are building the foundation for independent play as a toddler. When a child can engage in independent play, they are more aware of their surroundings and themselves. In turn, this leads to them practicing their own skills, challenging themselves and thinking critically about a play idea if it isn’t working – their ability to independent play allows them to take the leap into risky play.
In the beginning, an infant’s floor time can be very short. Maybe you grab your coffee, lay them down on their backs and sit down beside them. Maybe the season is just right that you can do this outside but, if not, that’s okay. You can just sit down and sip your coffee and intentionally observe your baby. They might gaze at only you. They might kick or move their arms around a bit uncoordinated (so it seems); however, when we allow infants time and space to move their bodies, they are learning not just about themselves. They are learning the space, their being in it and also about how to engage the environment around them.
This allows their brain time to make these neural connections about the world around them and how their body exists within it. I mean they were just submersed in fluid not that long ago – how strange it must be to feel air, to be cold, to be soiled, to be hungry – there is so much sensory input.
This is their independent play. They play, because they must. They play and explore, because it is what they need to do and we really only need to provide the opportunity.
Magda Gerber said “Children do not play because they learn; They play because they play.”
We give them the opportunity from the very beginning to independently play. It’s short, it is intentional and it doesn’t need to be overthought. You don’t need the latest subscription of toys – although cute and functional it isn’t a requirement. You don’t need it to look picture perfect. There is no time minimum or limit, we start small. If your infant begins to get uncomfortable, wait a bit, see if they are working through a new discovery. Once they go beyond exploring, simply communicate with them that they look like they might need a break and maybe it’s time to rest and have a cuddle.
There is no hard and fast rule to follow other than to let them lead.
Their time on the floor will naturally increase as they move and groove and start finding new ways to engage their bodies, explore and discover. There will be times when you are nearby, observing and taking your child in and there will be times when we need to complete a task. I would encourage you to try and find time for both. Observation is an important part of learning about your infant and their development and it is also okay to move away (as long as they are in a safe space). They can learn to explore with or without you for short periods of time, of course.
Our role isn’t to entertain the child. Our role, is to observe and respond.
The expectation is low, you lay your child down and you sit nearby but you aren’t the main attraction or their entertainment. You might put out a play object or not even yet because likely your child will want to gaze at you.
You can simply enjoy getting to witness this brand-new person taking in the world for the very first time.
As the months roll by, soon your infant will start rolling from side to side. They will discover their hand and how to move it in space and be completely fascinated by this (one of my favorite milestones). They will eventually roll over and, at first, not know how to roll back.
When we wait for their cues, it helps build communication. A little discomfort is a good thing.
They will show some discomfort when they are practicing a new skill. Observing your child will help you feel more confident in when to know they are working on something and when to know they might be maxed out and ready for a break.
When we allow infants time to develop in the way they naturally do – we are telling them we trust them. We trust that they can move their own bodies in the way they must. In turn, they become more confident and able to move their bodies into and out of increasingly more complicated positions. When we allow children to have control over how they move they learn to naturally engage their bodies and the environment. Meaning, they know just what to do when we let them. It takes trial and error – it takes time and patience; however, this lays the foundation for risky play that quickly approaches once they start to toddle around.
Imagine your 11-month-old is just starting to take some independent steps. They let go of the coffee table and start to venture off on their own. They may take one of two steps and then fall, hands out in front of them catching themselves. These falls are short and typically don’t have much momentum behind them creating the perfect opportunity to learn where they are in space and more importantly: how to fall. The more they build this independence and confidence in moving their bodies the more they will know themselves when they decide to try to balance on a log or climbing a tree (when you really want them to have a good judge of distance), or jumping off a wet slippery rock.
Independent play starts in infancy. This leads to a confident child that can explore their surroundings freely – which leads to a toddler that can begin to take risks that feel safe for themselves.
This isn’t to say there aren’t still injuries – but I have found there are far less of them and less severe.
When you have the adventurous toddler that insists on wearing rainboots and jumping off rocks in the rain and you are trying to not have a heart attack – my only advice is to keep your gasps to a minimum and try to bring awareness to things they might not see/understand just yet. For example, when we’re hiking and there is a lot of variation in the ground either from tree roots or rocks or anything else we shout out: “roots and rocks and lollipop toots!” queuing everyone to look down at the trail and be mindful of where they are stepping. Lollipop toots was added by son. Another example, we recently went to Zion National Park which consisted of hiking terrains we were not used too. Before we started out each day, we talked a bit about it. We talked about how we would be high up so it was important to stay close to the mountain. How there was sand on the rocks we were climbing which would make them slippery. How we needed to look out for others coming up the trail, because it was more crowded than our typical hikes. We also talked about the different animals to be on the lookout for like rattlesnakes and deer. It was a short conversation and we weren’t focused on creating fear but a discussion that when we said something like “slippery sandy rock” on the trail, our kids would remember the why.
Communication about our surroundings can start at a young age – the more we talk about what we see and what we might experience, the more our children can connect the two.
It can be hard to watch our children engage in risky play. I have held my breath as my daughter jumps from tree stump to tree stump barely making it to the next one and trying to not to let my mind wonder to what if she misses the next one. The truth is, I have little control over this. It’s really only the beginning. She has to take the knowledge and the confidence I have helped her build and she has to go test out the world around her. Knowing that she can always come back to home base - just like when your baby crawls away from you for the first time and looks back to see the distance between you and them.